Lone warrior!!

Every leader needs followers, dedicated and passionate about the cause for which they believe in their leader. In my case leadership was something that came to me when i didn't want it. Rather every time when i tried to become one by way of election, i have always lost it. I didn't feel bad about it, but just kept on trying. All through my college life, every time our class needed a representative, we had an election which was always contested by me and every time a hosteller had to win it. The same was the case for the presidency of ECE Association election.

But in my B-school when i had no intention of even standing for election for the apex body, an exercise was conducted in which students were of the opinion that i was apt to represent the college in public events and other occasions. The students' trust in me baffled me. I had won an election which i had never contested.

Then came the problem. I am not very social nor am i anti-social. I communicate well with people but it takes some time. I do not believe in blind followers who shout your name just for the heck of it. I want people around me to have a high self-esteem. Hence its only natural that i do not expect them to come behind me. But in this entire process, i missed out on being completely social which is essential for an MBA grad who plans to take leadership roles. Unless you have people who can trust in you and do what you say, when you say, it is unlikely that we would have support in our endeavors. So is the case now, when i feel like a lone warrior fighting a battle that we are destined to lose.

My personal diary..

Dear Diary, is how all the entries in one's personal journal starts. I have never written journals/kept diaries, nor have i ever had that thought. But in a place where you need to sit back and reflect upon what you think is taking place in your life and how you need to react, there is nothing more useful than writing to yourself about your thoughts. I have a feeling that this might help you come out with emotions that you may not speak out in front of others. It gives you that emotional freedom and space that you long for.

So in this era of e-connectivity, why bother having an actual diary. Rather, go with the times and maintain a blog which is much easier to access and maintain. On a serious note, it saves trees too. It adds to that sustainability focus that is constantly crapped about everytime. Whether you mean it or not, you can just project your eco-friendly attitude in that fashion.

If you happen to read this blog of mine, that means you are one important person in my life and hence i have shared access to this blog with you. Whether it means a lot to you or not, it definitely means a lot to me. Thats why you are still reading this blog post. I have crossed myself that i would blog regularly about what is happening to my life. But you know what, rules are meant to be broken and vows are meant to be forgotten. So i am not sure when this particular resolve of mine would be forgotten..

Placement blues..

My journey here started with placements. It is only ironical that it should end with the same worries. One very good placement report tilted my decision in favour of joining here apart from other factors that equally baffled me in picking this college. The paradox being this is the only college that i got through.

At the end of every one year, like a loan amount that reminds you to service your interest, placements come to haunt you, not because you are not worth it, but because of a lot of other factors that seem to repel companies away from our institute. Its a pity that we haven't yet found out all the factors causing that repulsion. At a time when other colleges seem to be easily alluring the top notch companies to their campuses, ours seem to be deciding whether they should give a tie or some other souvenir for the company that comes on board.

To top this all, the administration's support to this entire process is mind boggling. Every time they seem to come up with something for us to ponder about and apply our managerial skills in places where only common sense is needed. Any sane person would have caught the persons responsible by his collar and questioned them. But here meaningless support for the guys is doing them in. I pity their position and definitely wouldn't like to be in their shoes at this instant. But then again i am not a shirker. I had applied for this same post knowing well enough of the difficulties that might be faced. Sadly they didn't see my potential or I didn't supposedly mingle with long enough be in their good books.

Worst case, i have started to write this blog, if nothing happens, i can resign in a quiet valley writing novels and other stuff that people might not even read. Only one thing rings in my mind, the worst is yet to come...

An optimist's nightmare!!

This is a place where i thought my calling was.. A place where i thought i can transform myself, a place of jargons but unfortunately till date i do not know what has happened to me or is still happening to me.. There have been more days of loathing how i am wasting my time than days of thinking that i have discovered my path..

I am not expert at palmistry but from the pattern on my palm, i knew i was different. Not that i am a believer of destiny but this is one thing which i thought was definitely different. I had never found what my talent was. For 23 long years, i have been trying to look within and find for what purpose i was made for. So when this place happened i thought the days of holistic transformations are here.

Problems are more while the ability and the resolve to find solutions for the same are escaping me and everyone alike. Bogged down by pressures, not just peer pressure or pressure to perform but something more, i am still not able to get up.

Maybe i should have waited, maybe i made the wrong choice, maybe i wasnt made for this.. Maybe my thought process is still screwing me up.. Behold the guy who says that he sees the glass half full, even he would be brought down on his knees under the pessimist's dreamland here. Everything that happens, happens for a reason.. But here we are still floundering for those reasons and going by the likes of it, we still will be..